If Jeff Foxworthy were an Eastern Christian

  1. If you recognize the liturgical chanting in “The Deer Hunter”, you might be an Eastern Christian.

 

  1. If your Church’s fasting laws FORBID you to eat fish on Fridays, you might be an Eastern Christian.

 

  1. If you consider a 2 1/2 hour church service to be short, you might be an Eastern Christian.

 

  1. If at the end of Great Lent your forehead is covered with rug burns, you might be an Eastern Christian.

 

  1. If your Bishop has ever answered the telephone himself, you might be an Eastern Christian.

 

  1. If your parish has a recent convert named Barsanuphius and you think nothing of it, you might be an Eastern Christian.

 

  1. If your priest has legitimate offspring, you might be an Eastern Christian.

 

  1. If you are still in church for 20 minutes after the priest says, “Let us depart in peace”, you might be an Eastern Christian.

 

  1. If you are ever tempted to ask shopping mall Santas for their blessing,  you might be an Eastern Christian.

 

  1. If the problem in your Church is nationalism rather than rationalism, you might be an Eastern Christian.

 

And the final reason…

 

  1. If you have ever wondered why the Pope makes the Sign of the Cross backwards, you might be an Eastern Christian.

 

Brendan King

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