These, I am told, are “hipsters” – and I feel a sudden desire to puke.

A friend and blog reader writes that he thinks one of the hallmarks of the new “Hipster Catholics” – by which he seems to mean the cool young crunchy “independent music” types who are more or less orthodox (unless a bit of heterodoxy suits them) and who are self-consciously and deliberately “counter cultural” and “independent” in a way that shows how seriously and deeply they really do identify with superficial things – that one of the hallmarks of “Hipster Catholics” is “lack of masculinity”.  Some of them, he even implies, have an “apostolate”, which means they sponge off others while engaging in “ministry”.  This is kind of like living off Mom, Dad and student loans while getting your second B.A. in Art History at age 30.

He contrasts them with sober and mature men, who, whether lay or clergy, take responsibility for their own lives and families and finances and whose charity and friendships are more adult and realistic.  And who, unlike hipsters, really don’t care how they dress.

But what the hell is a “hipster”, anyway?  Until just now I had no idea what a “hipster” was, much less a “hipster” Catholic.

If they’re anything like the characters described in glowing terms by this article, then let me state that – contrary to the universal call to Christian charity – I hate every single one of them.

And above all I hate this … .

They form book clubs and meet in the back of the local open-mic cafe to chuckle over G.K. Chesterton – you wouldn’t understand.

To use Chesterton as a shibboleth for the “in crowd”?  Despicable.  Hang every one of them.  St. Gilbert would agree with me.  At least Belloc would.

***

Meanwhile, I’ve been Hip since Sammy Davis Jr. used to use that word.  And I’ve been Funky since before the Funk dried up.  And I’ve been both intellectual and anti-intellectual at the same time – and that’s hard to pull off.

But I have never been a “hipster” (or a “eunuch” for that matter, even though I’m married).

I am, however, getting to the age where I may soon need “Hipster Replacement Surgery”, and if that happens, I’ll be sure to let you know.